We Fell Off the Saddle...

At the risk of being told I am slipping in my faith, I need to make an observation.

Things this cycle were great and everything was pointing in the right direction and then BAM! I get a temp drop. It wasn’t huge but it was a temp drop nonetheless. I think I knew on Sunday that this was a bust. I had the barely controllable urge to strangle a family member for just being… well… themselves. I have also been a royal crank, on and off, going from “I want to hurt you” to “I just want to cry” in a matter of minutes. All the telltale signs of raging PMS.

I am still praying and I trusting what is meant to happen will but I can’t help but see the writing on the wall. No, I am not being pessimistic; I am being realistic. I have no peace about conceiving through IUI or natural. It doesn’t settle well. I had the gut instinct for years that I had something wrong and no one believed me. I am telling everyone now, that same instinct is back.

Please do not tell me that I am “not being strong in my faith” or I am “not trusting God”. I am. Implicitly. Sometimes we are given road maps to reach the goal. Sometimes we listen to the small inner voice that tells us what we know we should do. I am doing that now. The voice is soft but clear.

After DH has his appointment with the urologist, I will talk to the RE and get the blunt honest opinion on whether or not we need to keep trying on the current path. I feel this strongly and it is not a lack of trust, it is common sense. We have intuition for a reason and it is what it is; an internal warning/alarm/notification/map… GPS, if you will. If I ignore it, there will be consequences. Unlike the axiom, Ignorance is not Bliss.