"Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say."
"Always look on the bright side of life?"
"No, 'Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.'"

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

We Fell Off the Saddle...

At the risk of being told I am slipping in my faith, I need to make an observation.

Things this cycle were great and everything was pointing in the right direction and then BAM! I get a temp drop. It wasn’t huge but it was a temp drop nonetheless. I think I knew on Sunday that this was a bust. I had the barely controllable urge to strangle a family member for just being… well… themselves. I have also been a royal crank, on and off, going from “I want to hurt you” to “I just want to cry” in a matter of minutes. All the telltale signs of raging PMS.

I am still praying and I trusting what is meant to happen will but I can’t help but see the writing on the wall. No, I am not being pessimistic; I am being realistic. I have no peace about conceiving through IUI or natural. It doesn’t settle well. I had the gut instinct for years that I had something wrong and no one believed me. I am telling everyone now, that same instinct is back.

Please do not tell me that I am “not being strong in my faith” or I am “not trusting God”. I am. Implicitly. Sometimes we are given road maps to reach the goal. Sometimes we listen to the small inner voice that tells us what we know we should do. I am doing that now. The voice is soft but clear.

After DH has his appointment with the urologist, I will talk to the RE and get the blunt honest opinion on whether or not we need to keep trying on the current path. I feel this strongly and it is not a lack of trust, it is common sense. We have intuition for a reason and it is what it is; an internal warning/alarm/notification/map… GPS, if you will. If I ignore it, there will be consequences. Unlike the axiom, Ignorance is not Bliss.

1 comment:

jenn said...

I hope that there is some good news in your immediate future. I'm hoping for you hon.