As I have said before, I really am a music geek. I don't mean in the sense that I play a ton of instruments, can intelligently converse with the know-alls of classical composition and its impact on the music of today, or even own a bazillion 'records'. What I mean is, I live music.
How do I explain this? Well, there are times that I swear I have a musical score running in the background of my everyday life. Think Stranger Than Fiction just with an orchestra.
Songs pop in and out of my head for every occasion. If I am happy, a song mirroring that mood may bubble to the top and I am humming without even realizing it. If I am sad, the same happens. At first it was just a quirk but I really think that music, to me, is as necessary as breathing.
For months (maybe a year or more) I had lost my 'breath'. The music was gone and I didn't even realize it. It was a slow drifting away. It was as if my soul was gasping for air, needing the words my mind couldn't find, losing the ability to feel the emotions of life in a full spectrum. It wasn't until recently, I finally heard what I was missing. It was as if the light in the room had come on after 30 days of night. A warm embrace.
(okay, for some of you I am about to get all "god-ish", just a fair warning)
I think I understand David's Psalms.... well, all the psalmist. Sometimes, there are no words just music and when the music comes the words will follow. These are not my words but they are no less powerful to my heart.
Give ear to my words, Oh Lord
Consider my meditations
Harken unto the voice of my cries
My King and my God
Unto You will I pray
My voice you will hear in the morning
Oh Lord, in the morning will I direct my prayers
Unto you I will look up. Pslm 5
I learned these words at the age of 11 and they have followed me through out my life. Even in my darkest hours, those words were that pinhole of sanity.
I am not saying all the music is "church" music. Much of it is not but my center always comes down to the songs that speak to my soul, the life that they bring to the lowest moments. Those, I am proud to say, come from my youth and, yes, it is a true soundtrack of southern gospel.
So...
"I sing because I am happy. And I sing because I am free. For His eye is on the sparrow and I know he watches me."
4 comments:
I'm glad the music is back :)
Interesting that you chose the Psalms, as they are songs. There does seem to be one for every mood.
Oh Music, I absolutely love music, I believe (for me) god speeks to me through when I cant hear anything else. I have been saved by music.
Some of my favorite lyrics are from Alanis Morissette, her and my lives are so parallel to each other, from the angry girl to the transformation to the highly spiritual woman, sometimes I feel so blessed like God put her on this earth just for me, I know it's not that way, she speaks to many people, but it just feels that way sometimes, I'll be going through something and she'll come out with a new song and I'm dumb founded, looking up in the sky thinking "Hua, how did you know?"
I'm also always breaking out in song, it drives Dylan crazy, he's like "why do you have to put a song to everything we do in our lives", when its time to go I'll sing "Lets Go-baby-Lets Go-baby - Come On" (Just as a mild example) He gets mad at me and I'll sing a song about it. I'm goofy.
So I get the music thing totally, sometimes I feel like I'm in a movie, I'm the main character and I have music going along to enhance the scene. even if it's all in my head.
God-ish? Seriously? LOL
Hugs, sweets!! :o) I love music, too. I to this DAY cannot sit through Sister Act without tearing up, partly because I know the fulfillment of being part of a choir of people who really cared about one another, partly because of the great leadership we had in my teacher, and partly because it's a part of who I am, too. Music is a good thing.
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