I am not sure where I fit in right now. I know that we are still TTC and I know that I am thrilled that DH is healthy and his pills work wonders. I also know that Clomid gives me good eggs and that I should really be happy that I O on my own with the Clomid.
But I feel like I am in a whirlpool. I can see the rest of the water but I can't seem to get out of the holding pattern. So, now that things are working right, why aren't we pregnant? Am I supposed to wait indefinitely for answers?
I am really starting to identify with Pamela Jean. The more I read the more I feel like I fit in her corner of the IF world. I am feeling comfort in it. I am not scared of it. It is more like a warm light I am gravitating toward. These feelings are what scares me.
Is it the fact that I am tired of the treadmill. I am not too far from 4 years worth of cycles. I am not too far from 6 years of trying. I am weary. I am beat down and dust covered. At the end of each cycle the possibilities seem a little bit further away. I am creeping up on advanced maternal age.
My dad tells DH to pray for God to open my womb, like in the O. T. Is that really what needs to happen? I mean, I think DH was even more upset this time, than I.
I guess I just feel like I am at a crossroads and I have a feeling a decision will be made by the end of 2008 either way. I could be wrong but I don't think so.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I imagine that's a very tough place to be in Tam. I can only say how much I hope this all works out in the best way possible for you.
Also remind me, have you guys done another IUI recently with your DH's numbers up? Or are you waiting a little while longer?
In some ways I relate to Pamela Jean, as well. We have sat on our IF for years, and are childless in our late 30s. This makes us drastically different from others in our age group.
You have to decide what is best for you, and how much you can take. Uf you are comfortable living child-free, then that may be a good choice for you. If you want to try something else, that may be right for you. In the end, it is up to you and DH.
Hi Sweetie, I nominated you for the Pink Rose Award, See my blog.
♥
Post a Comment