"Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say."
"Always look on the bright side of life?"
"No, 'Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.'"


Monday, August 11, 2008

Kinda in Limbo

I am not sure where I fit in right now. I know that we are still TTC and I know that I am thrilled that DH is healthy and his pills work wonders. I also know that Clomid gives me good eggs and that I should really be happy that I O on my own with the Clomid.

But I feel like I am in a whirlpool. I can see the rest of the water but I can't seem to get out of the holding pattern. So, now that things are working right, why aren't we pregnant? Am I supposed to wait indefinitely for answers?

I am really starting to identify with Pamela Jean. The more I read the more I feel like I fit in her corner of the IF world. I am feeling comfort in it. I am not scared of it. It is more like a warm light I am gravitating toward. These feelings are what scares me.

Is it the fact that I am tired of the treadmill. I am not too far from 4 years worth of cycles. I am not too far from 6 years of trying. I am weary. I am beat down and dust covered. At the end of each cycle the possibilities seem a little bit further away. I am creeping up on advanced maternal age.

My dad tells DH to pray for God to open my womb, like in the O. T. Is that really what needs to happen? I mean, I think DH was even more upset this time, than I.

I guess I just feel like I am at a crossroads and I have a feeling a decision will be made by the end of 2008 either way. I could be wrong but I don't think so.

4 comments:

Jen said...

I imagine that's a very tough place to be in Tam. I can only say how much I hope this all works out in the best way possible for you.

Also remind me, have you guys done another IUI recently with your DH's numbers up? Or are you waiting a little while longer?

VA Blondie said...

In some ways I relate to Pamela Jean, as well. We have sat on our IF for years, and are childless in our late 30s. This makes us drastically different from others in our age group.

You have to decide what is best for you, and how much you can take. Uf you are comfortable living child-free, then that may be a good choice for you. If you want to try something else, that may be right for you. In the end, it is up to you and DH.

Jewels said...

Hi Sweetie, I nominated you for the Pink Rose Award, See my blog.

dark_one said...

My name is Holly Lem and i would like to show you my personal experience with Clomid.

I am 28 years old. I got preg first time on my own & miscarried. after a while of trying, my dr put me on clomid. after the first round i got pregnant & miscarried. i decided not to try or think about it at all probably for a 9 months... right around the time baby would be due & then started trying again. after a few months got back on clomid. after 5 months and no pregnancy i'm giving it a rest again. it's to much disappointment. i'm going to give it a try again soon, in the mean time we're keeping our fingers crossed for the old fashioned way to work.

I have experienced some of these side effects-
HOT FLASHES, moody, cry easily, weight gain, headaches etc!!

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Holly Lem

Clomid Prescription Medication