"Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say."
"Always look on the bright side of life?"
"No, 'Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.'"

Monday, April 21, 2008

Torn and Ponderings

I am torn about a situation that is going on in one of my social groups. There is blatant favoritism and I am not sure how to address it yet. How do you tell a friend that their judgements on a person are going to eventually bite them in the butt?

Also, I hate that I have such good intuition. In some ways it is a wonderful gift, in others, it is a curse. I have been deep into a 'prediction' for months and I think it will be a wait and see type of situation. So far, I am 2 for 4, in timing, too. If I am right about the situation, and I pray that I am not, I may have to affix permanent duct tape around my mouth so I don't say something stupid... like maybe... "You are just like ___ and you don't even realize how manipulative you really are. Or have you just hidden it well in the past? Any respect I did have for you is gone."

I am the queen of excuses. If there is a way to get out of an something I find unpleasant, I will make some excuse why I need to quit. For example:

Metformin: I hate it, I think it is evil and created by demons in Hell that have nothing better to do than find new and exciting ways to create explosive intestinal discomfort. Until I found that the extended release worked so much better, I found every way I could to not have to take it. Luckily, I had doctors who could see right through me and they didn't let it slide.

Yearly Exams: I need to get my yearly done and I don't want to. I was supposed to be preggo first. In fact, I should have gone in December, but once again, I was supposed to be preggo first. I really feel like I have failed in some way and I don't want look my doc in the face.

Provera: It sucks monkey butt. I hate it with a passion. I only take it if I have to and only then if it is because of a cycle plan for TTC. I probably should have called my doc about this cycle being so long but since we are in a holding pattern, I figure screw it, why become Sybil for nothing, right?

My point is, we make excuses for all kind of unpleasantness in life. If we want something bad enough we find a way to get that one thing. If it is something unpleasant that could/should be necessary, we will find any way we can to get out of it. But is it for the best?

How often does our avoidance actually make our situations worse? In a diabetic, putting off insulin can be fatal. When it comes to our reproduction, can avoiding the 'fix' cause a fatality of fertility? Are we playing 'doctor' with our own fertility by putting our heads in the medicinal sand? What if BCP is what stops us from developing cervical cancer or maybe it keeps our PCOS or Endo at bay? If we are not actively TTC, do we take the hit and remain on BCP or do we risk worsening the situation because we hate the side effects (BCP, Metformin, Glucophage, etc.)? Trust me, I wish I could just throw my Metformin out of the window and say screw you, the side effects suck, but I can't. Better yet, I won't because I know in the long run, I need it for my own health.

BTW, yes, the Met has been kicking my butt the last week and I am hating it so so much. I just needed to put it in perspective, and on paper. I would like to mention, it took 5 years of playing to finally find the right dose of medication for me. Sometimes it is just a matter of sucking it up and searching until the right meds are found


VA Blondie said...

Keep with the metformin. I also have PCOS, and I am on metformin, too. I understand where you are coming from. You get used to the metformin if you take it regularly. I generally feel better over the course of the day when I take it. Hubby notices a difference when I have not taken it for a while.

I found I have to take it with milk. That really helps with the nausea. Just taking it with food does not do it for me.

Good luck with everything.

Tammy said...

Oh, I haven't stopped it, I just hate it. I like the Actos much better. I do much better on the extended release.

For some reason this past week it has kicked my intestinal butt... lol

Thank you for the milk idea, I think I will try that tonight.

VA Blondie said...

I take my all metformin in the morning. Though you can split it up. Lower doses may help with the nausea, as well. I always forget the second dose, though. One endocrinologist I saw said that it is better to take it all at once than miss half your daily dose.

My theory is that I need the metformin more during the day as I am active. For a while I was on actos and metformin, which I really liked. I think there was something about the actos which helped me tolerate the metformin better. I do not know, but it worked for me.