"Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say."
"Always look on the bright side of life?"
"No, 'Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.'"

Monday, April 28, 2008

Not Better

PMS is rearing it's nasty, mean, and ugly self. I am having a hard time controlling my every thought and move.

I think it comes down to two reasons:
  • Girls who get preggo well before the first year of trying, say, um, 8 months right after complaining that they thought they had major issues that would make them infertile.
  • People who had really good lives growing up, never had a tragedy or dysfunction, have gone through life with not much more than a blip, yet they are still wankers.

I have had my fair share of both in the last three weeks and I have had enough. So I am going to just vent for a minute.

You are NOT infertile if...

  • You have only had 1 miscarriage, a very high percentage of first pregnancies end in m/c and many women may have chemical pregnancies and never know unless they are TTC and jump the gun with testing.
  • You get pregnant within 12 cycles. Not every pregnancy is a movie or TV show pregnancy story. Not everyone gets preggo the first time.
  • You have 35 day cycles and you O late. Some women cycle differently and no one is a constant 28 days, no blips
  • You complain that you aren't getting preggo but refuse to do the basics, such as temping, charting, CM checks, OPK's, timed BDing.
  • You try for two months and nothing happens

Pregnancy does not always happen if:

  • You want it really bad
  • You try for two months, period
  • You time your sex perfect, every cycle only has a 25% success rate
  • You drink the water at work
  • You relax
  • You stop thinking about it all the time
  • You adopt
  • You hold a lot of babies
  • You pray about it every hour on the hour
  • You only think positive and never have another bad thought or action in your life
  • You life your life perfect
  • You have good Karma
  • You have every test under the sun performed, every med, every procedure, and every possible life change for adoption prep... sometimes, it just doesn't happen.

It true is impossible for anyone to understand what an infertile really goes through until they have earned their own personal 'stripes'. Whether it is recurring m/c, still birth, IVF, IUI, adoption, surrogacy... they all have their built in difficulties and pain.

So, on behave of those of us struggling I want to say, "Stop it!" Stop making yourself IF before you really meet the actual IF criteria. Stop trying (usually poorly) to identify with us. Stop trying to give assvice. Stop trying to put yourselves in our shoes, you won't fit. Stop making us feel like it is our fault or we have done some horrible misdeed that deserves barrenness. Stop ignoring us like we are not longer visible. Stop forcing us into situations where we are made to feel like pariahs. Stop telling us our day will come. Stop all of it!

Finally... Can you hear me now, World? Good!


nancy said...

Here here.

But wait ... wanting it really bad and praying doesn't work?

tammy said...

Maybe if I am drinking beer, doing shots and smokin' crack inbetween the praying on the hour... :oP

Jen said...

Gosh Tam. I really think if you just relax and try the old fashioned way, you'll be pregnant in no time!

Whatever. PMS-away.

Lori said...

Well said, Tammy.