Nope, we didn't audition for the show, but we did sit down with my in-laws and point blank, no sugar coating, almost harshly explain our infertility.
Let me give some back story:
This weekend, DH and I stayed at the Potawanami Inn with the IL's (C's) and good friends of the family (W's). This was the 20th year for the C's and the W's.
The W's oldest daughter (TC) is due the first week of June. No biggie, at least MIL told us this months ago. We were lead to believe that they were trying for a while (um, no, only several months, bleck) and I almost felt for them... Nope, not now.
TC does nothing but talk about the baby, and complain about the pregnancy; i.e. not sleeping for 7 months, innards getting squished, not sure she would want to do this 'thing' again, weight gain sucks, etc. Each complaint, doing more and more to raise my hackles.
I don't think it would have been nearly as irritating if she wasn't one of those women who makes the baby sound like the next acquisition in her life, the next check mark on her To-do list. They have a house, two dogs, a Lexus SUV, the perfect jobs... next on list, trophy kid. It was mind blowing.
Because of this irritation, DH and I had to explain to the W's that we are having problems and I was bitchy because of this.
Now back to the Moment of Truth. MIL has the habit of down playing everything. I don't mean not getting detailed, she literally makes everything sound like a blip. "I had pain in my arm and thought I was having a heart attack, but I wasn't so, no big deal." Blip "My son lost his job [back in '03, not right now], but everything is fine." Blip "The kids are just have difficulties getting pregnant." Blip
Well, we spilled it all on Saturday night. Everything that we are going through, DH's issue, the costs, the struggle... everything. They we told them to stop sugar coating it. If people ask, tell them the Truth, they are infertile and looking at all their options.
For once, I feel like MIL got it; she understands there is no simple solution and that making it sound benign, she is perpetuating the myth that infertility should be a stigma.
It feels good to have all the parents on the same playing field. DH's parents are in the same loop as mine... it is a relief.
On a related note, sort of, I am glad that DH and I are finally at the point in our marriage that we rarely get asked about kids. We are also getting to the age that people stop asking about kids. Life is sweet... lol
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Trying to cope with TTC and all of life's other trials... "Have you had your meds today?" Pvb. 17:22
From My Mom
No flesh of my flesh,
No bone of my bone.
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for one single minute,
You didn't grown under my heart,
But in it.
unknown
No bone of my bone.
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for one single minute,
You didn't grown under my heart,
But in it.
unknown
Blog Archive
Who I Read
About Me
- Tammy
- I am a 30-something wanna-be mommy who married her 'true north' and is just trying to find herself while going through this whirlwind called life.
Cliff Notes of Me
1975 - The world was graced with my presence ~ Four days later I went home with my new mommy and daddy
1985 - I finally realized what adoption really meant.
1995 - In July, I found my biological mother and family.
2000 - I married my 'matching bookend'
2003 - My infertility journey began
Present Day - I am still close with all my family and I am truly blessed
1985 - I finally realized what adoption really meant.
1995 - In July, I found my biological mother and family.
2000 - I married my 'matching bookend'
2003 - My infertility journey began
Present Day - I am still close with all my family and I am truly blessed
Our Journey
July '98 - DH and I met for the first time
July '99 - DH and I move in together ~ and get engaged
May '00 - Married w/ mandated 3 year wait on baby ~ The only b/c used counting and CM checks
April '01 - I see the PCP, I can't stop gaining weight. I diet, eat right, nothing helps. I am healthy, stop worrying about it. I see the OB and question my long cycles, weight gain, facial hair. First love wand u/s; nothing. The doc says I am healthy, stop worrying.
June '02 - I again question the doc about my long cycles, missing periods, the 85 lbs. of extra weight in 4 years with a healthier diet. Why don't we need b/c? I am healthy, stop worrying
Aug '02 - I get the name of an OB from a friend ~ My hero. I ask about the weight gain, lack of periods, heavy periods, facial hair and why am I not pregnant we are careless not careful ~ PCOS, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Blood work to confirmed it, he Dx'd me in 3 minutes. I fall in love with my OB/GYN. :o) Metformin, chart for 4 months, come back. TTC officially begins.
March '03 - Ovulation? lol Clomid for the first time ~ 50 mg.
May '03 - 100 mg of Clomid - DH has really good s/a
June '03- 100 mg of Clomid, Metformin sucks, I become close friends w/ my toilet. Lose weight because that will help TTC. Try for a year; if no BFP, come back.
Aug '03 - Bad accident, 6 months to even have a bad sex life.
May '05 - Still struggling financially from the accident, I give up TTC. The heartbreak it is too much for me, No b/c
Feb '06 - My mother dies suddenly, the pain of her never being a grandmother is too much to handle, life is a bit out of control. I start therapy several months later
May '06 - Charting again, my PCP puts me on Actos for the PCOS and Welbutrin for depression.
Oct '06 - Go to Dr. Wonderful and w/ a plan. I am beyond his expertise; need to see a RE, PCOS specialty. I find WebMD and start learning more than I ever wanted to know about TTC and reproduction.
Nov '06 - I see the RE for the first time and like him a lot. Scheduled for my first major test, give more blood... PCOS
Jan '07 - HSG all clear, no blockage slight endo, normal range
Feb '07 - 100 mg Clomid - nothing
March '07 - 150 mg Clomid - O!
May '07 - 150 mg Clomid - O! - IUI #1 BFN
June '07 - 150 Clomid - O! S/A redone, not good, no IUI
Nov'07 - 150 mg Clomid - O! - IUI #2 BFN
Dec '07 - DH has u/s and b/w... u/s clear, no issues
Jan '08 - S/A comes back worse, low testosterone ~ 25 mg of Clomid fix the problem, hopefully. Go back in 3 months for another s/a... TAB until May 2008, no prevention.
April '08 - BFP for two days, chemical preganncy after 100 day cycle. This sucked.
May '08 - Clomid Cycle with timed BDing - BFN
June '08 - S/A improved Clomid working great but Arimidex has been added. Clomid Cycle, timed BDing. RE visit on June 26.
July - Sept '08 - RE says two medicated cycles, it no BFP, then the third IUI will be scheduled. Please, Lord, let it work.
Design by: FinalSense
5 comments:
Yes, bittersweet sometimes.
I bet it feels good to have it all out, and have your parental units understanding your emotional needs about the enormity of the situation to you.
BTW, (maybe you've blogged about this) I am wondering how your parents reacted, since I'm thinking they also experienced IF? Has that made them more empathetic?
Well, we found out this weekend that MIL had an early term m/c before DH and after DH was born. That was interesting to learn. DH’s mother is just not willing to believe that it may never happen. She is in severe denial; I am hoping this weekend will pull her out of it. They also don’t understand how I can feel more support from a group of women that I never met, than in real life friends. They don’t see that unless a person has gone through infertility or still going through it that they can say they understand, but they don’t. I get more clichés and “faith”-based comments from in real life friends than I have ever cared to get. In fact, I really don’t mention it much any more and kind of distance myself because of it.
As far as my parents, they didn’t/don’t care how a grandbaby got/gets here, they just want/wanted one. My adoptive mother died in February of 2006, so it is hard for me to not be mad at her because she should be going through this with me and I now I am on my own. My adoptive dad gets it but he doesn’t understand that adoption does not go as easily as mine did or a cheaply. Since all parties were in the military, all they paid for were court costs. In 1975, that was only $65.00. You know that is not close to being possible today.
My biological family is also very supportive because all three of my mother’s girls have PCOS. I have it the mildest. It will be amazing if any of us girls have a child that is not conceived medically in some way. Also, my mother has had one miscarriage later in the first trimester and my littlest sister died at four months of SIDS. She understands loss on three different levels. I am actually blessed to have a family that is very open about it all.
I hope you're MIL finally gets the seriousness of all this. It must be so frustrating to be dealing with the reality of the situation only to have the people supporting you down playing it. That "it'll happen" crap gets old real quick.
It is frustrating. I don't get it from the parents much any more as much as those around me... co-workers, people at church, friends, etc.
It burns me up that no one really wants to face reality... this is an uphill battle.
I'm glaf it is out in the open now. It has to be a weight off your shoulders!
I was actuakky surprised at the level of support from certain family members & the lack from others. My MIL & my cousin have noth dealt with IF- although I am not entirely sure of the extent of either. They don't bring up babies or pregnancy unless I do first & they don't ask unless I share first. My own mother however- different story. She either ignores it completely or bombards me with non-helpful e-mail forwards all about being a woman & being pregnant, or the 3 million photo e-mails of my other cousin's new baby with messages about how precious she is. I thought that as a nurse & the daughter of an infertile she would get it more- plus she's my mom!
I'm glad you have your sister's & bio mom to be there for you & to understand- although I wish you all didn't have that particular brand of empathy...
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