"Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say."
"Always look on the bright side of life?"
"No, 'Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.'"

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Letter to My Body

At the request of Mel, here is my Body letter.

Dear Body,

Well, it’s been a while. In fact we are three days away from our 33rd anniversary. We have had such a ride, haven’t we?

You listened to me so well. When we were together about 5 years, you heard my desire to have bigger breasts than my mother and about 6 years later, you were able to grant me that request. Of course, how on earth was I to ever realize you would be so overly generous in this area? Wow! You really could have stopped at DDs and I would have been more than happy. You even gave me the glasses and broken arm that I thought I couldn’t live with out. Of course, once again, you were so generous in the vision area, too. I mean, seriously, I really didn’t know I wanted to see so poorly without those metal frames. I would have preferred the broken arm as a child, but age 27 was okay too.

In the last 10 or so years things have started to slip, though.

What I didn’t ask for you gave to me anyway. Facial hair? Really? You thought I would like that one? Did you really have to start that one in high school? Aren’t kids cruel enough?

You added weight to me without any warning. I even changed my diet and tried to give the weight away but you wouldn’t let me. No way I can re-gift that one, huh? And why did you hide the cause of the weight gain for so long? Couldn’t you have just put up a big neon sign on my ovaries that blinked on and off, “Get Your PCOS Here”?

Hey, what is up with the no period? Can’t a girl rely on something to work like Swiss movement? No, you refuse to even be remotely punctual.

Now, after 5 years of trying and one year of pumping myself full of meds, you still refuse to give me a decent egg. Oh, you throw ‘em out when you feel like it but it is never at the same time in the cycle and you take you precious time letting them grow, too. And… least we forget, can I get some real EWCM, please… when I am supposed to, not anytime but? Seriously, I can only drink so much tea and cough syrup.

And for crying out loud, stop killing off the swimmers. They are there to do good not evil. Let them live and reach an egg. Better yet, let the egg actually be fertilized. Is that too much to ask?

Don’t get me wrong; I am not saying we should go on a break or anything drastic like that. I just need a little more cooperation and functionality. Start listening to me again. Help me help you. If I promise to be kinder and gentler to you, will you show me some love in return?

I love you. God made up for each other and I can’t imagine any other body but you. So let’s make a pact, I will try harder to keep you healthy, if you, as a return favor, let me use your incubator for 9 months. Is it a deal?



KatieM said...

Very nice Tammy... truthful, yet appropriately comical ;-)

JuliaS said...

Tammy - I love your letter, seriously.

Wonderfully, sweetly sarcastic with a bit of sass.

Good wishes to you!

Tammy's Thought Pattern said...

Thanks girls.

I kind of looked at it the same way I try to look at life... if I don't learn laugh at it, I won't stop crying.

And, laugher really is the best medicine.

Tammy's Thought Pattern said...


Thank you. And your pictures are so adorable.


Lori said...

Now that you mention it, I think I DID try to break up with my body once or twice.

A terrific letter.

Tammy's Thought Pattern said...

Thank you Lori.

I think this is our third "Should we go to couples therapy?" years... lol