Normal Is Just a Setting On My Dryer: "And the Swimmy goes to...."

Friday, February 1, 2008

"And the Swimmy goes to...."

Not us.

We have a protocol and a wish and a prayer, that is about it. We go back in 4 weeks to see if the pills are working and then in 3 months to see if they made a difference at all.

Why are we getting hit with the double whammy? I don't understand. I have coiusins (not biological, thought) who can think-about-maybe-wanting-to-sorta-get-pregnant-maybe-one-day and it happens. They can even not think about it and it happens. Why us? I just don't understand.

My heart is broken.

No more words.

1 comment:

Jen said...: Tam, I don't understand either. All I can say is that life is completely fucked up sometimes. That and I'm so sorry.; February 01, 2008

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Our Journey

July '98 - DH and I met for the first time

July '99 - DH and I move in together ~ and get engaged

May '00 - Married w/ mandated 3 year wait on baby ~ The only b/c used counting and CM checks

April '01 - I see the PCP, I can't stop gaining weight. I diet, eat right, nothing helps. I am healthy, stop worrying about it. I see the OB and question my long cycles, weight gain, facial hair. First love wand u/s; nothing. The doc says I am healthy, stop worrying.

June '02 - I again question the doc about my long cycles, missing periods, the 85 lbs. of extra weight in 4 years with a healthier diet. Why don't we need b/c? I am healthy, stop worrying

Aug '02 - I get the name of an OB from a friend ~ My hero. I ask about the weight gain, lack of periods, heavy periods, facial hair and why am I not pregnant we are careless not careful ~ PCOS, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Blood work to confirmed it, he Dx'd me in 3 minutes. I fall in love with my OB/GYN. :o) Metformin, chart for 4 months, come back. TTC officially begins.

March '03 - Ovulation? lol Clomid for the first time ~ 50 mg.

May '03 - 100 mg of Clomid - DH has really good s/a

June '03- 100 mg of Clomid, Metformin sucks, I become close friends w/ my toilet. Lose weight because that will help TTC. Try for a year; if no BFP, come back.

Aug '03 - Bad accident, 6 months to even have a bad sex life.

May '05 - Still struggling financially from the accident, I give up TTC. The heartbreak it is too much for me, No b/c

Feb '06 - My mother dies suddenly, the pain of her never being a grandmother is too much to handle, life is a bit out of control. I start therapy several months later

May '06 - Charting again, my PCP puts me on Actos for the PCOS and Welbutrin for depression.

Oct '06 - Go to Dr. Wonderful and w/ a plan. I am beyond his expertise; need to see a RE, PCOS specialty. I find WebMD and start learning more than I ever wanted to know about TTC and reproduction.

Nov '06 - I see the RE for the first time and like him a lot. Scheduled for my first major test, give more blood... PCOS

Jan '07 - HSG all clear, no blockage slight endo, normal range

Feb '07 - 100 mg Clomid - nothing

March '07 - 150 mg Clomid - O!

May '07 - 150 mg Clomid - O! - IUI #1 BFN

June '07 - 150 Clomid - O! S/A redone, not good, no IUI

Nov'07 - 150 mg Clomid - O! - IUI #2 BFN

Dec '07 - DH has u/s and b/w... u/s clear, no issues

Jan '08 - S/A comes back worse, low testosterone ~ 25 mg of Clomid fix the problem, hopefully. Go back in 3 months for another s/a... TAB until May 2008, no prevention.

April '08 - BFP for two days, chemical preganncy after 100 day cycle. This sucked.

May '08 - Clomid Cycle with timed BDing - BFN

June '08 - S/A improved Clomid working great but Arimidex has been added. Clomid Cycle, timed BDing. RE visit on June 26.

July - Sept '08 - RE says two medicated cycles, it no BFP, then the third IUI will be scheduled. Please, Lord, let it work.