"Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say."
"Always look on the bright side of life?"
"No, 'Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.'"

Monday, October 20, 2008

Joy in the Morning

This weekend was not too bad. It would have been better is our local cable company hadn’t had their heads in their rears. It took three days to get a tech to come out and then it took him four hours to leave because he locked his keys in his truck.

Passed all that though, we had our church’s 90th anniversary celebration over Saturday evening and Sunday. It really was a nice service but there are some thoughts that I took out of it that have made me a bit more contemplative.

Our old worship minister, D, was there to help lead the service and I forgot how much I loved his style of leading. This is how DH and I were able to describe him; D has a passion for worship that comes out in the form of music. It envelops his whole being while he is leading the music. It made me realize just because I love music doesn't mean I have passion for it. I admit, music is very much a part of who I am, but I don’t have that passion and I wish I did. Well, I used to but it hasn’t been there for a while now. (On a personal note, D and his wife, L, were the only couple in the church our age while he worked there. I forgot how much fun we had with them until I was able to see them again. We would play games and there were four voices talking at once at times. And laughter… was there ever laughter.)

The songs on Saturday night were flowing and smooth while creating an air of contemplation, introspection and reflection. I loved it. (Thank you, D) It made me reminiscent of going to Vin.yar.d. Doug really wanted to sit with me since I didn’t need to sing on mic but that didn’t happen. He was kinda stuck in the sound booth.

Sunday morning the first part of the service went well. I am still not a fan of old hymns. Well, let me rephrase that. I am not a fan of old hymns done in the old style with the same old music score. I come from a gospel background so there were anticipated harmonies not the ones that just don’t feel natural to me. By the time we got to the newer stuff, it was just awesome. The praise team clicked like we haven’t in a while. I think the emotion of the day really kicked in. I really wish we hadn’t had to leave out some songs.

I must admit I miss singing soprano. I am a decent alto and I am a quick study but I miss my lead lines and singing higher ranges. I am losing my range and it isn’t due to age. That is hard for me. I am also a big fan of three part harmony and frankly, instruments are pretty nice, too. :o)

Onto the contemplativeness brought on by the experience. How do I get passion back into my life? I don’t mean passion as in love, but passion for any one thing? Where did it go? Has the beat down in life damaged my lust for expression? Has the cynicism of life changed me that much? Is it because I feel as though my life is under a microscope? That my actions are being observed for future use in some way? Has TTC changed me?

I don’t have answers and I am not sure I will anytime soon but I think I need to try and find my bliss again. Maybe TAB should go through the end of the year. Who knows? I just really feel I need to find happiness outside of desire to be a parent.

I remember His words, though the night finds me weeping; He promised me and surely there'll be joy in the morning.

So I have new lyrics for my life and I need to keep them close to me so I will remember that there will eventually be joy in the morning.


Jen said...

Hey Tam. Just saying a quick hello. I'm so far behind in my blog reading. I can definitely understand the need to TAB so do whatever you need to do. It may not make things easier, but you are right that sometimes you have to step back and see the bigger picture about what is going on in your life. I wish I could make it easier. (((Hugs)))

Jenette said...

Tamika, my dear. I just went to a seminar about living your life with joy instead of living it as if it were an obligation. I'm reading a good book, Godsight, by Lael Arrington. Finding our JOY is so hard sometimes, no matter what the circumstance.

Thought about you on Sunday as I was quoting Steel Magnolias with a youth group mom!