“Unca, unca, unca, unca… Bow chicka wow wow…”

Let me start by saying, I started my morning off at the KMC andrology lab. After DH gave the girl his new insurance card, he handed me back the $20.00 that I gave him for the co-pay (didn’t need it) and just smiles. I giggled and tried not to comment on the implication.

We are quickly ushered back into the little dimly lit room with its snazzy maroon vinyl couch, small TV-VCR on a rolling stand, tiny ceramic sink and small blue potty pad. Umm, umm, umm… can we say sex... y.

‘The mood’ has been created for us in that tiny little Love Shack (minus the bang, bang, bang, on the door, Baby); we look through the instructional aids and just die: “Black and Luscious”, “Puck, a Mid-summer Night’s Debauchery”, “Adam and Eve presents, BlueLight” (I can’t remember the 4th title.) How can we choose; all of them are ‘classics’, right? The winner was… none, nothing, nada, zip, zilch, not a single one. We don’t need no stinkin’ instructional aids (in an accent like the Taco Bell dog).

Now, I am there mainly as support staff; no job gets done without the help of support staff, especially in that setting. As much as men practice as teens and adults, a visit to the Shack, is different… and clinical. Shouldn’t there be candles lit, soft mood music (that hugely popular Kenny G song from the 80’s I can’t remember the name to), maybe some wine and cheese? Doesn’t a guy deserve to pamper himself?

Yeah, I know, I know, do we get that at home? Isn’t that unsanitary? And, isn’t it a fire hazard? No, yes, and yes. But I digress.

After we give the nurse the ‘fruits of our labor” (Does anyone else hear Beavis and Butthead in their head? “Huh, huh, she said fruit.” Didn’t think so.), we walk out of the lab and I look at the clock (to see if I can get coffee on my way to work), fifteen minutes from the entrance of the tiny room to leaving the lab (plenty of time for coffee, by the way). By my estimations, they could be thinking two things: “Darn, she is good” or “Umm, can we say minute man?” Either way, I was not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.

I really hope that the tests will give us some definite answers to the low count. Between the blood work and new s/a, I really think that we will be able to have a plan in place for my March cycle (we all know, I am not going to have one in February, that would make me normal, and I’m not normal). We will at least have some answers on Thursday.

Here’s to not so great news that can be turned into really great news! Go spermies!