I'm in Pheonix but My Goal is San Diego...

Yeah, yeah, I know, I am physically in Ohio but let me explain.

I had a wonderful lunch today with a dear friend that actually gave me a real gem of advice.

I often meditate to relax and to clear my mind of stress and TTC obsession. Well, my friend gave me a new way to approach meditation. Think of your end goal in your current struggle/desire/life and picture it as a cross county road trip. Say your journey is starting in Maine and your end goal is San Diego. You know in your mind all the places you need to go and stay, eat, get gas, etc. along that trip to San Diego. There are mile markers and planned stops and events that are to take place along that cross country trip and you are hitting them all. You get to Phoenix and you realize that it has taken you far long to get to San Diego then you had anticipated and you are questioning why you are on this trip in the first place. You start to think, I am never going to get to San Diego.

Some people turn around and go back because they are so upset that the trip is not what they expected.

Some people stay in Phoenix but they haven't taken that final leg of the trip necessary to reach San Diego. There are two different kind of people in this area though; those who will just stay in Phoenix and do what they need to until they are ready to make that final leg of the trip and make the best of the lay over. They see the sites, eat at the restaurants and try to not let the detour get to them. Then there are the ones who stay in Phoenix but never let you forget that this is not where they want to be, never doing what is necessary to make that final leg of the trip. They would rather complain then actually take action.

I am in Phoenix right now. I know my goal is to get to San Diego. It has taken me forever to get this far and I have been upset and felt I will never get to San Diego. I am not happy that it has taken me so long and the detours I have had to take, but I am still looking in the horizon towards my goal. No matter what, I am going to make it to San Diego, I just don't know when.

To bring it down to simple terms, my goal of motherhood has been rocky and long. Not as rock or as long as many women, but it is not the journey I had planned on. I am still looking towards my goal of having a child; I will not give up on that goal and I will do what I need to to reach it. I am not where I ideally would like to be, yet I am truly happy and blessed. I see the horizon and I know in my heart a baby waits for me, I just don't know the timeline or the path that will eventually lead me there.