Monday, June 7, 2010
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Can We Pay You to Baby-sit Indefinitely?
Wow… and a swirling mind is what came out of last night’s mandatory fos.ter-to-ad.opt class.
In the lovely state of O.hi.o, the child welfare system seems to have an anal cavity fetish. Yes, they really need to climb all the way into your intestines to make sure that you know you are not the parent of the child and you basically have no rights. You, my friends, are a highly overpaid babysitter. If you don’t believe me, here is my proof.
Example 1:
Little Billy is 6 years old. He forgets to tell you on Friday that they have a field trip to the zoo the following Friday. He is 6; this is not a big surprise. On Wednesday, you find the permission slip in his pants pocket before laundry is placed in the washer. It is 8:30 pm, it has to be turned in by 9:00 am Thursday. Crap! Billy is not going to get to go on that field trip unless you can get a hold of the on call caseworker at your agency, who in turn must get in touch with the county caseworker to sign said permission slip.
Yes, you read that right, you may be the foster parent but you cannot give the child permission to go to the zoo. You don’t have the right to make that decision, only a county worker can. Sorry, Billy, everyone in the class gets to go but you. Too bad.
Example 2:
Mike is 15 years old. He decides he doesn’t like your church and he wants to go to a church that is clear across town. You cannot tell him, no, or force him to go to your church. You ARE allowed to let him catch the public transportation at the end of your street to get to that church with no permission, notification or okay by the county. Bye Mike, hope you don’t get mugged or beat when you are in the heart of the city. (We have a HUGE problem with fights and crime at the main hub in our town.)
Example 3:
You and your husband have gone out on a date (first one in months) and you are home really late. You have left Missy at your parents (they have passed the background check and can act as a babysitter). Instead of waking Missy at 12:30 in the morning, you want to leave her there.
Think again. Missy can only stay over night at an approved Respite foster family. Your parents aren’t. OH, and if she is old enough she can have a sleep over at a friend house but she still cannot sleep over at your parents house.
Fun times.
Example 4:
You and your family go on 5 camping trips a summer with various groups or family. When Ann joins your family, she wants to be in Brownies with your biological daughter so she can go camping. You are the assistant so you think, sure, why not? Nope, think again. Ann can’t be in Brownies until the caseworker allows it. The “primary” mother may not want the child to go camping.
Sorry, Ann, you can’t be a Brownie and I have to find Respite care for you while the whole family goes on a trip. You are part of the family but only at home not on trips. (Let’s add that Ann has attachment and abandonment issues. Everyone she loves leaves her. “Well, kid, too bad. You aren’t coming with us because you aren’t good enough,” is what she gets out of that whole scenario. Once again, fun times.)
Now, our agency will do the best they can to help these situation resolve in a positive manner but ultimately, the caseworker has complete say so. If we get a caseworker with their head in their butt, well, that child is not going to have a chance to grow and flourish in our home.
So, our decision is final, only 3 and under and only if there is a 95% chance that the child will be in our permanent custody by the time they are in school. We do not want to be a highly paid babysitter to a school age child.
In the lovely state of O.hi.o, the child welfare system seems to have an anal cavity fetish. Yes, they really need to climb all the way into your intestines to make sure that you know you are not the parent of the child and you basically have no rights. You, my friends, are a highly overpaid babysitter. If you don’t believe me, here is my proof.
Example 1:
Little Billy is 6 years old. He forgets to tell you on Friday that they have a field trip to the zoo the following Friday. He is 6; this is not a big surprise. On Wednesday, you find the permission slip in his pants pocket before laundry is placed in the washer. It is 8:30 pm, it has to be turned in by 9:00 am Thursday. Crap! Billy is not going to get to go on that field trip unless you can get a hold of the on call caseworker at your agency, who in turn must get in touch with the county caseworker to sign said permission slip.
Yes, you read that right, you may be the foster parent but you cannot give the child permission to go to the zoo. You don’t have the right to make that decision, only a county worker can. Sorry, Billy, everyone in the class gets to go but you. Too bad.
Example 2:
Mike is 15 years old. He decides he doesn’t like your church and he wants to go to a church that is clear across town. You cannot tell him, no, or force him to go to your church. You ARE allowed to let him catch the public transportation at the end of your street to get to that church with no permission, notification or okay by the county. Bye Mike, hope you don’t get mugged or beat when you are in the heart of the city. (We have a HUGE problem with fights and crime at the main hub in our town.)
Example 3:
You and your husband have gone out on a date (first one in months) and you are home really late. You have left Missy at your parents (they have passed the background check and can act as a babysitter). Instead of waking Missy at 12:30 in the morning, you want to leave her there.
Think again. Missy can only stay over night at an approved Respite foster family. Your parents aren’t. OH, and if she is old enough she can have a sleep over at a friend house but she still cannot sleep over at your parents house.
Fun times.
Example 4:
You and your family go on 5 camping trips a summer with various groups or family. When Ann joins your family, she wants to be in Brownies with your biological daughter so she can go camping. You are the assistant so you think, sure, why not? Nope, think again. Ann can’t be in Brownies until the caseworker allows it. The “primary” mother may not want the child to go camping.
Sorry, Ann, you can’t be a Brownie and I have to find Respite care for you while the whole family goes on a trip. You are part of the family but only at home not on trips. (Let’s add that Ann has attachment and abandonment issues. Everyone she loves leaves her. “Well, kid, too bad. You aren’t coming with us because you aren’t good enough,” is what she gets out of that whole scenario. Once again, fun times.)
*****************************
Now, our agency will do the best they can to help these situation resolve in a positive manner but ultimately, the caseworker has complete say so. If we get a caseworker with their head in their butt, well, that child is not going to have a chance to grow and flourish in our home.
So, our decision is final, only 3 and under and only if there is a 95% chance that the child will be in our permanent custody by the time they are in school. We do not want to be a highly paid babysitter to a school age child.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
4 Down... A lot more to go... ::UPDATE::
- 1. Orientation - 2
- 2. Case Management and Teambuilding - 3
- 3. Child Abuse, Neglect and the Impact on Child Development - 3
- 4. Attachment, Separation, and Placement - 3
- 5. Discipline and Managing Behavior - 3
- 6. De-escalation and Policies and Procedures - 2
- 7. Cultural Issues in Placement - 3
- 8. Caring for a Child that has been Sexually Abused - 2.5
- 9. Effects of Caregiving on the Family and Primary Families - 3
- 10. Permanency Issues for Children and Families - 3
- 11. Educational Advocacy - 2
- 12. Infant, Child and Adult CPR and First Aid - 6.5 (next Saturday)
Will we really survive all this? And can someone tell me how on earth teen/single mothers/parents are allowed to NOT have to take these classes, too? If it were mandatory for state aid, would less kids be in foster care? Kinda makes me wonder.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Information overload.
I am amazed at the incompetence of state chi.ld wel.fare, also known as the Fos.ter Care system, in O.hi.o. If a social worker with the state knows that they are removing a child, why would you not try and “quietly” find a family member to take the child before you grab them and move them around a couple of times before they are in their ‘permanent’ foster family? I just don’t understand.
Anyway, we have found a gem of an agency that really takes pride in the children that come in and out of their care. In fact, they went for part of a state grant to help work with bi.olo.gic.al families and ended up with the whole thing. They have a 100% graduation/GED rate for all their teens getting ready to age out. They are all about treating the whole person not just sticking kids in just any home. I like that.
DH and I have a lot of red tape and hurdle if we are going to be able to adopt the little boy we want. I really think it is worth it though.
So, the goal is to get as much done as soon as we can get it done. If we end up with the child we want, Yay, but we are prepared for it to take a while, too.
Here is a list of classes we need to take:
1. Orientation - 2
2. Case Management and Teambuilding - 3
3. Child Abuse, Neglect and the Impact on Child Development - 3
4. Attachment, Separation, and Placement - 3
5. Discipline and Managing Behavior - 3
6. De-escalation and Policies and Procedures - 2
7. Cultural Issues in Placement - 3
8. Caring for a Child that has been Sexually Abused - 2.5
9. Effects of Caregiving on the Family and Primary Families - 3
10. Permanency Issues for Children and Families - 3
11. Educational Advocacy - 2
12. Infant, Child and Adult CPR and First Aid - 6.5
Anyway, we have found a gem of an agency that really takes pride in the children that come in and out of their care. In fact, they went for part of a state grant to help work with bi.olo.gic.al families and ended up with the whole thing. They have a 100% graduation/GED rate for all their teens getting ready to age out. They are all about treating the whole person not just sticking kids in just any home. I like that.
DH and I have a lot of red tape and hurdle if we are going to be able to adopt the little boy we want. I really think it is worth it though.
So, the goal is to get as much done as soon as we can get it done. If we end up with the child we want, Yay, but we are prepared for it to take a while, too.
Here is a list of classes we need to take:
1. Orientation - 2
2. Case Management and Teambuilding - 3
3. Child Abuse, Neglect and the Impact on Child Development - 3
4. Attachment, Separation, and Placement - 3
5. Discipline and Managing Behavior - 3
6. De-escalation and Policies and Procedures - 2
7. Cultural Issues in Placement - 3
8. Caring for a Child that has been Sexually Abused - 2.5
9. Effects of Caregiving on the Family and Primary Families - 3
10. Permanency Issues for Children and Families - 3
11. Educational Advocacy - 2
12. Infant, Child and Adult CPR and First Aid - 6.5
We have 2 down, 34 more to go. Phew… this is going to be a long several months. I am so excited though.
Monday, January 5, 2009
In Honor of DH's Grandmother
I hope that DH doesn’t get too upset that I am sharing this story but it touched me in so many ways when I heard it.
In my family, we are surrounded by adoption. Big Dad, Little Dad (and his brothers) and FIL are all adopted. DH has a cousin who adopted. Then there is me. Yep… I am the closest person to me that knows the ups and downs.
This is about FILs mother. She longed to have a little girl to complete her family. She and G-pa signed up at an unwed mothers home and patiently waited… for 12 years.
Every spring, G-ma would get out the baby clothes, for a baby girl of course, and she washed them, pressed them and put them in their place in the dresser. She did this every year until they got the call; we have a baby girl for you.
I can only imagine this ritual done every year slowing tearing away at G-ma’s heart, her faith, and her joy. Yet if it did, she did suffered in silence. Inwardly, she was Hannah. Every spring she threw herself on the temple stairs and wailed for God to give her a girl. No one knew to see on the outside. She was reserved by nature, but I know her pain.
Her temple was simulated through the spring routine. She may not have realized this in her mind, but I see it in her actions. God blessed her with her little girl in his time; just as Samuel was given to Hannah.
I know now that I am willing to be a parent to a child, biological or not. I think that God has brought me to my knees to show me that the path of those around me can be the path I need to take.
So now, I move on to the next stage in my journey to mommy and pray that God will send me a basket among the reeds filled with the sounds of a child that is meant for both DH and myself. And though I didn’t know G-ma in her days of youth, only in her latter days, I wish I could tell her, “I understand and admire you more just for being you.”
In my family, we are surrounded by adoption. Big Dad, Little Dad (and his brothers) and FIL are all adopted. DH has a cousin who adopted. Then there is me. Yep… I am the closest person to me that knows the ups and downs.
This is about FILs mother. She longed to have a little girl to complete her family. She and G-pa signed up at an unwed mothers home and patiently waited… for 12 years.
Every spring, G-ma would get out the baby clothes, for a baby girl of course, and she washed them, pressed them and put them in their place in the dresser. She did this every year until they got the call; we have a baby girl for you.
I can only imagine this ritual done every year slowing tearing away at G-ma’s heart, her faith, and her joy. Yet if it did, she did suffered in silence. Inwardly, she was Hannah. Every spring she threw herself on the temple stairs and wailed for God to give her a girl. No one knew to see on the outside. She was reserved by nature, but I know her pain.
Her temple was simulated through the spring routine. She may not have realized this in her mind, but I see it in her actions. God blessed her with her little girl in his time; just as Samuel was given to Hannah.
I know now that I am willing to be a parent to a child, biological or not. I think that God has brought me to my knees to show me that the path of those around me can be the path I need to take.
So now, I move on to the next stage in my journey to mommy and pray that God will send me a basket among the reeds filled with the sounds of a child that is meant for both DH and myself. And though I didn’t know G-ma in her days of youth, only in her latter days, I wish I could tell her, “I understand and admire you more just for being you.”
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Oh my goodness! It does go to God's ears!
One hurdle down and a million more to go.
The Fos.ter/Ado.ption Age.ncy called and said they would love to work with our "unique situation". The ado.ption coordinator is out of the office until Monday but I will hear from her then and then Tuesday is the orientation.
Oh my... am I allowed to cry? I feel like I am on the table with the OB love wand and they just told me the egg is a 23 and to trigger it.
Eek. Okay... um.. this is me not getting my hopes up. I am just too pathetic, huh? Oh well.
The Fos.ter/Ado.ption Age.ncy called and said they would love to work with our "unique situation". The ado.ption coordinator is out of the office until Monday but I will hear from her then and then Tuesday is the orientation.
Oh my... am I allowed to cry? I feel like I am on the table with the OB love wand and they just told me the egg is a 23 and to trigger it.
Eek. Okay... um.. this is me not getting my hopes up. I am just too pathetic, huh? Oh well.
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